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Love and Reason (What's Past is Prologue 4/18) - Mo's Journal
July 21st, 2005
11:10 am

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Love and Reason (What's Past is Prologue 4/18)
Logan pulled on Scott’s hair as he came, a low growl coming from deep in his throat. Scott leaned down afterwards, head in his lover’s lap. Neither of them said anything for a minute, Logan’s fingers in Scott’s hair, stroking lazily.

“Come over to the bed,” he said to Scott after a while, standing up, taking him by the hand.

“Why?”

“I want to fuck you.”

“Nah, I don’t feel like it.”

“Okay. I’ll suck you off.” Scott shook his head. Logan glared at him. “What do you want to do?”

“Nothing. I’m fine.”

“Well, I’m not.” They stood there, looking at each other silently for a minute. Logan continued, “What’s wrong with you? All you’ll do lately is blow me.”

“What have you got against that?” He looked down. “Look, I just don’t feel like doing much lately. Okay?”

“No, it’s not okay. I want more.”

“We can do it again. Or I’ll do you with my hand.”

“I wanna do you.” Scott shook his head. “What’s wrong with you?” Logan asked again.

“Nothing’s wrong. I just don’t feel like it.”

“This is sick.”

“It’s how we started, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, I feel like I’m in some sort of time warp. That was a long time ago. And I never could figure out what you were getting out of it then. If you don’t feel like sex, why are you sucking me off?”

Scott shrugged. “Why not? You want it. I want to please you. And, besides, it’s good for my health,” he added with a smile.

“You’re in it for the healing semen?”

“Partly. Why not?” Scott said again.

Logan didn’t smile back. “’Cause I don’t fucking like it. It’s sick. It’s not natural to just do it one way like that. I want to touch you. I want to fuck you. I want to make you come. Why wouldn’t you want me to?” Scott didn’t say anything. “It’s been weeks since we’ve done anything but you sucking me. You won’t let me even touch your cock. What’s going on?”

“Nothing’s going on.”

Logan’s eyes narrowed. “Are you doing it with somebody else?”

Scott laughed, short and bitter. “No,” he said. “Nobody else.”

“Well, I want to know what the fuck’s going on. And what it takes to change it, because I’m not gonna keep going like this.”

“Logan, look. Do you think we could have this fight some other time? I need your advice. I’ve got a problem I need to talk to someone about and I don’t want anyone but you to know some of it.”

Logan opened and closed his mouth a few times before he answered that one. “Okay, Cyclops,” he said, finally. “I’ll make a deal with you. You tell me what’s on your mind. And then we fuck.”

“And what if I don’t want to?”

“Then I don’t want to hear your problem.”

“I can’t believe this. You’re blackmailing me for sex?”

“If you want to call it that.”

“Fuck you.”

“Okay. We can do it that way. And then I fuck you.” Scott smiled, in spite of himself. “Tell me what’s on your mind, Cyclops.” He took Scott by the hand again and they sat down on the bed.

Logan kicked off his shoes and lay back on the pillows. Scott hesitated, sitting at the edge, then lay down next to him. They didn’t touch, didn’t speak for a minute or two. Finally Scott said, “There’s this guy...”

“You are doing it with somebody else.”

“No! Shut up for a minute and listen to me, okay? This has nothing to do with sex.” He took a deep breath. “There’s a reporter, Richard Kapell. He works for the Washington Times.”

“That Moonie rag?”

“Yeah, exactly. Anti-mutant, anti-gay. Right wing in general. They wrote this horrid obit when Charles died – all innuendo, you know? Anyway, they’re after me.”

“After you? What does that mean?”

“This guy Kapell is investigating me. He called me up and tried to ask a bunch of questions and he’s been following up with all sorts of people. He called Jean. She wouldn’t say anything, of course. But not just people here. People we’ve worked with through the X-Men. Martin Kline called me and said he'd heard from him, too.”

“He’s not gonna tell him anything. G-Men know how to keep their mouths shut.”

“I know. I’m not worried about him. It just shows Kapell found out something to call him, you know? And I even heard from a couple of my old professors at Columbia. He’s looking into my background. He’s not writing some ‘new leader of the X-Men’ puff piece, you know? He’s looking for dirt.” He didn’t say anything for a minute. “I’m scared of what he’ll find out.”

“I hate to break it to you, but he already knows you’re a mutant.”

“Very funny.”

“You don’t want him to know you’re gay?”

“No, I don’t care about that.” Logan looked at him askance. “I’m not going back into the closet, Logan. I’m not planning on giving any press conferences about it – I’m not talking about my personal life. But I don’t care who knows about that. I don’t care who knows about you and me. I’m worried about him digging into my past.”

“Oh. You’re scared he’ll find out you were a hustler?”

Scott sat up. “I hadn’t even thought of that.” He paused, considered it. “I don’t think he’ll find out anything about it. Who’s he going to ask? There’s no written record. There’s hardly anyone who even knows about that. Now that Charles is dead, it’s just you and Jean.”

“And god knows how many johns.”

“They don’t know who I am. They didn’t know my last name, didn’t know I’m a mutant. I was a kid then. And I was blind. I looked totally different – even if they saw my picture, they wouldn’t put it together. Other than Simon, nobody who knew me then knows me now. Simon didn’t even recognize me when I ran into him. If I hadn’t told him who I am, he wouldn’t have known, and he’s the one who knew me best. And how would this Kapell character even find any of them to interview? No, I’m not worried about that.”

“So what are you worried about?”

“There’s no statute of limitations on homicide.”

“Homicide? Your father?” Scott nodded. “It was an accident.”

“You know that. I know that – well, most of the time I do. But mutants coming into their powers have been charged with manslaughter before. Or assault with a deadly weapon.” He pointed to his eyes, hidden behind the glasses. “They are deadly weapons.”

“Yeah, and as soon as you knew they were you stopped using them. Cyclops, you kept your eyes shut for a fucking year! You were blind as long as you had to be. If the professor hadn’t found you, they’d still be shut.”

“And I’d have a hard time getting anybody to pay me for blow jobs after twenty years of hustling.”

Logan laughed at that. “You haven’t lost your knack.”

“I don’t know what he’ll find if he starts looking into my background.”

“Well what happened after he died? Was there any kind of investigation? How was his death reported?”

“I don’t know! I wasn’t there. I hightailed it out of Indiana as fast as I could. I have no idea what happened. I didn’t know if they realized I killed him, if they were after me. For months I was worried I’d get arrested. Then I relaxed a bit. Eventually I mostly forgot about it.” He sighed. “Except once in a while I’d dream about blasting him. And lately it’s coming back again. Nightmares all the time. Killing him. Killing other people, too.” He took off his glasses and rubbed his closed eyes. “And not just dreams. I’m worrying about it all the time, about what this Kapell will find out. It’s the last thing I need. I’m having a hard enough time with everything else going on.” He sighed. “Shit. I wish Charles were alive. I don’t know what to do.”

“So you’re settling for me?”

“I didn’t mean it like that.” He sighed again. “I’m just having so much trouble knowing what to do lately. With so many things. It’s like indecision is taking over my life. You know – do I dare to eat a peach? I never used to be like this, not about work-related stuff, anyway." Neither said anything for a minute. Scott continued, "What do you think? What should I do?”

“Lie back down.”

Scott did. Logan kissed him on the neck and he turned on his side, back to Logan, who responded by pressing up against him. “Logan, I really don’t want to do this. Can we talk about this reporter?”

“Later.” He reached around Scott’s waist and undid his belt, sliding his hand into his lover’s pants.

“I really don’t want to...”

“Yes, you do.” Stroking now. “Maybe your brain doesn’t. Your body does.” He unzipped Scott’s pants. “Your cock’s big and hard for me. That’s ‘cause you want what I’ve got.”

“I’m not...”

“Yes, you are. You need this. You’re wound too tight, Scott. You need to relax. I’ve got just what you need.” Taking Scott’s hand, he guided it to his own cock, pushing hard through his pants. “See, that’s what you need. That’s what’s going to make you feel good. Just do what I tell you to and we’ll both be happy.”

Logan pulled Scott’s pants down, bunched around his legs, and then pressed up against his ass. One hand stroking up and down Scott’s cock, he opened his own fly with the other. He took Scott’s hand and wrapped it round his dick. They rubbed each other. Logan kept talking, right in Scott’s ear. “That’s what you want, isn’t it? My big dick. I’m gonna stick it up your ass. I know just how you like it. I’m gonna fuck you good. That’s what you need, you just need reminding. It’s been too long. You’re forgetting what you like. But your body remembers. Your cock’s twitching in my hand, ‘cause it remembers. Yeah, you know what you want. And I’m gonna give it to you.”

He let go of Scott’s cock, eliciting a disappointed groan from his lover. Logan chuckled. “Just for a minute. I’m gonna hold it again.” He reached for the lube and started spreading it on his hard-on and all over his hand. His right hand, slick and slippery now, resumed stroking Scott as he spread Scott’s cheeks with the other one, and positioned himself to enter him. “You ready?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“You want me?”

“Oh yes.”

He pushed in hard and Scott gasped, going rigid and still until Logan was pushed in up to the hilt. Shoved in like that, he stayed still for a minute, stroking Scott’s cock but not moving anything but his hand. Then he started fucking him slowly, moving out only a little, pushing all the way back in. The strokes got longer bit by bit until Logan was pulling out almost completely and then slamming all the way into Scott’s ass. “You’re good and tight. Your hole grabs me. Ah, and you like it, don’t you? That’s why your cock’s so big and hard for me. That’s why you’re making those sounds for me.” He rubbed the head of Scott’s cock with his thumb, fist sliding up and down as he pushed in and out.

”That’s my boy. Come for me. Let me feel it. Come on.” Fucking and rubbing and whispering in Scott’s ear all the while.

Scott came first, all over Logan’s hand. Smearing cum over Scott’s belly, Logan fucked him fast and hard until he came, too, deep inside. Then pulled out and lay down on his back.

“So?” Logan smiled at Scott, lying there catching his breath.

“So what?”

“It’s what you needed, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah. You were right. Is that what you want to hear?”

“Always a good thing to hear.” He didn’t say anything for a minute. “It doesn’t help, Scott,” he said, finally. “Listen to me. I know.”

“What doesn’t help?”

“Not letting yourself feel stuff. Maybe you think it makes it easier. Maybe it does for a little while. In the long run, it just makes it worse. I know about long runs.”

“Is this my cue to tell you you’re right again?” Logan chuckled at that.

Scott turned over, throwing an arm over Logan. They held each other close for a minute. “So what do you think I should do about this reporter?”

“Greenfield.”

“What?”

“Adam Greenfield. Have him look into what happened in Indiana. He’s gonna be here, right?”

“I don’t want Adam knowing about what happened to my father.”

“If this Kapell finds out, everybody’s going to know. Don’t tell Adam what he’s looking for. Just tell him to go looking, set him loose, and see what he finds. If he finds it out, then at least we’re prepared, can figure out what to do about it. Maybe we can make some evidence disappear or something. And if Adam doesn’t find out what happened, well then we’re home free. The Washington Times reporter isn’t gonna find anything Adam can’t.”

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Comments
 
From:(Anonymous)
Date:July 21st, 2005 06:52 pm (UTC)

Role Reversal

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The reversal of roles Logan comforting Scott with his ordeal. Granted the method by which he comforted Scott would have been totally ineffective if it wasn't for little speech Logan spewed afterwards. Logan has become the crutch to Scott as Scott was once to him and this shows how much their relationship has grown over the span of the Series.
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From:mofic
Date:July 21st, 2005 07:29 pm (UTC)

Re: Role Reversal

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I do think in long term relationships you have periods when you're giving more and periods when you're taking more. It evens out over time. I think Logan has definitely provided advice and sex before, but this is clearly a time when Scott's the more needy one and maybe that hasn't been the case previously...
From:(Anonymous)
Date:July 21st, 2005 10:01 pm (UTC)

I'm not so sure Adam Greenfield would be thrilled about this

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Did you ask him before putting him in slashfic? www.v-2.org
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From:mofic
Date:July 21st, 2005 10:15 pm (UTC)

Re: I'm not so sure Adam Greenfield would be thrilled about this

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LOL! I actually heard from an Adam Greenfield once. He didn't seem to be bothered by the slash aspect but he said if he were a reporter, he'd work for a better paper than the Herald. I told him it's much improved in the not-so-distant future.
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