?

Log in

No account? Create an account
I Have a Little List - Mo's Journal
September 13th, 2011
09:44 pm

[Link]

Previous Entry Share Next Entry
I Have a Little List
So I'm sick and getting sicker. I drag myself out of bed each day to go to work and feel by the time I get there pretty much like I used to feel after working a long, hard day. I keep feeling like it's just not possible to be more tired than I am, and then I find out I'm wrong.

People have been so great and supportive and kind and helpful to me the past few months, as I've been dealing with loss and illness. They've brought meals and sent cards and books and given me flowers and compressed air and taken me out and visited and prayed for me. I really appreciate it all. What I find so hard, though, is when someone asks "What can I do?"

I don't really need anything. I'm doing all my regular stuff (just more slowly and not as well) and I often can't think of anything to tell someone s/he can do. And I'm so so very tired and it feels like one more thing I have to do to come up with something that the person asking would like to do and would feel like s/he's being helpful and would really be helpful and is an appropriate thing for that person to do, given his/her life circumstances. And I get cranky and feel like I shouldn't have to come up with the thing for someone else to do. I'm easy - pretty much anything anyone does for me that seems helpful is. So I've mostly just said, "Really I can't think of anything" and then the person says "Well let me know if you do" and neither of us feels satisfied.

So this happened again yesterday and this time I thought about it some more afterwards and decided - I need a list. Then if people ask I can show them my list and they can choose something appropriate from it. It has to have things on it that people can do from near and far, things that take little or no money or time, things that various people can do. And, really, people have been doing so many things that are helpful that it was easy to put together a list based on things people have done.


So here is my list:

- Pray for me, if that's your custom. My Hebrew name is Dvorah bat Moshe v'Rivke Rachel. If you're not a praying person, think good healing thoughts.

- Visit me, if you have time (when I'm not in isolation). I don't feel up to going places much evenings and weekends, but I get lonely.

- Provide dinner, and tell me what night you’re doing it (No, that’s not just for the cooks. This is NYC – it’s easy to order food to be delivered)

- Give me a gift certificate to Fresh Direct and I’ll order provisions myself

- Bring me something you know I use a lot of, so I’m likely out of or will be soon: coffee beans, Halls cough drops, seltzer

- Give me (or just lend me) a book or movie you think I’d like – I’m going to have to occupy myself during isolation treatment

- Send me a card in the mail – it’s nice to get mail that isn’t bills

- Bring me some fruit – I go to the coop once a week and have farm share once a week and I still run out of fruit

- Give me something that makes me feel pampered – bath salts or a soft night shirt or something




I worried that the friend who prompted my coming up with a list might feel criticized, but she said she didn't and she understands. And she gave me a Fresh Direct gift certificate and is bringing me dinner one night next week. So I plan on whipping out the list whenever anyone says "What can I do to help?"

(24 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments
 
[User Picture]
From:executrix
Date:September 14th, 2011 01:58 am (UTC)
(Link)
Can you get Skype set up? Then when you're in isolation you can "visit" people from your laptop. If you can't talk, they can talk and you can text. Or, if no Skype, extra phone minutes would come in very handy for phone "visits" possibly text on one end.
[User Picture]
From:mofic
Date:September 14th, 2011 10:34 am (UTC)
(Link)
Hey, thanks for the book. I think I'm fine with regular phone and email in isolation. You don't want to really see me glowing :-)
[User Picture]
From:executrix
Date:September 14th, 2011 12:10 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Hope you enjoy the book! And in cases like these, the needs of the glower and not the glowee that must prevail...

BTW the international nature of the Internet means that if you can't sleep at 3 am and feel like some "company" it might be just the time to Chat with someone in France or New Zealand...
[User Picture]
From:mofic
Date:September 16th, 2011 01:35 am (UTC)
(Link)
Yeah, it's good to know that there's someone to chat with - or play Scrabble with - any time of day or night.
[User Picture]
From:marag
Date:September 14th, 2011 02:26 am (UTC)
(Link)
Can I get your address? I'm a dork, so I make no guarantees about a card, but I can certainly try. Maybe the kids will even help.

I'm sure you don't want to put your address on here, so you can e-mail it to mara(dot)greengrass(at)verizon(dot)net. ::hugs::
[User Picture]
From:mofic
Date:September 14th, 2011 10:35 am (UTC)
(Link)
My address is listed everywhere so no problem putting it here:

498 11th Street Apt. 2
Brooklyn, NY 11215

A card would be nice and if you don't get to it, I appreciate the thought.
From:fantasyenabler
Date:September 14th, 2011 01:35 pm (UTC)
(Link)
I was going to ask for this. Thanks for putting it up. :)
[User Picture]
From:opera142
Date:September 14th, 2011 03:19 am (UTC)
(Link)
If you are comfortable doing so, please message me with your address.
[User Picture]
From:mofic
Date:September 14th, 2011 10:35 am (UTC)
(Link)
498 11th Street Apt. 2
Brooklyn, NY 11215
[User Picture]
From:knittingwoman
Date:September 14th, 2011 12:05 pm (UTC)
(Link)
according to LJ you are having a birthday this week too. I'm not sure exactly where you are in your treatment just now but i hope that you can celebrate to some extent, at least eat cake.
p.s. I didn't know you went to McGill, my third son graduates from there in 2012.
[User Picture]
From:mofic
Date:September 14th, 2011 02:49 pm (UTC)
(Link)
My birthday is this Friday. I've got an Adult Ed thing at shul in the evening, so the kids and I are going out to dinner on Saturday. We have a standard restaurant for birthdays. It's only half a mile away but I'm wondering if it will be too far for me to walk and we'll need to go somewhere closer. We'll see.

How is your son liking McGill? My time there was a long, long time ago but I had a great experience, both as a student and then, after graduation, working in McGill libraries.
[User Picture]
From:knittingwoman
Date:September 14th, 2011 09:26 pm (UTC)
(Link)
He was born in Montreal but moved out here when he was just 5. He loves Montreal and McGill:) He also pays reduced tuition because he was born in Quebec. We lived in Montreal for about 15 years, that is where I met my dh:)
[User Picture]
From:mofic
Date:September 16th, 2011 01:37 am (UTC)
(Link)
Cool! I loved Montreal. It's totally how I found I'm a city grrrl. I grew up in rural ND and then suburban CT and Montreal was my first urban experience. I knew right away it was for me.
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:mofic
Date:September 16th, 2011 01:41 am (UTC)
(Link)
That's sweet of you, but I really don't need it. I could take a car service but it seems silly for such a short distance. It's only $5, I could come up with it. Or I could take a bus, which costs nothing, but I'm having trouble standing for a long time, so waiting at a bus stop can be tricky. I'll work something out.

We usually eat for birthdays at a place in our neighborhood called Two Boots. It's Cajun and Italian food - the two boots are Italy and Louisiana. It's a fun restaurant and the food is good. It's very family friendly and when the kids were little they liked that they'd give them uncooked pizza dough to play with. But it's also kind of a neighborhood bar/hangout place and has live music, too. It's an odd mix but good for us. http://www.twobootsbrooklyn.com/pages/home.html
[User Picture]
From:aurienne
Date:September 15th, 2011 06:03 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Happy birthday! That's also my husbands's birthday! (and I'm thinking healing thoughts towards you, and I hope you have a chance to write more soon!)
[User Picture]
From:mofic
Date:September 16th, 2011 01:42 am (UTC)
(Link)
Thank you! And happy birthday to your husband, too!
[User Picture]
From:kosiah
Date:September 15th, 2011 03:01 am (UTC)
(Link)
I can swing by some evening with some books and dvds, if there's a good time.
[User Picture]
From:mofic
Date:September 16th, 2011 01:42 am (UTC)
(Link)
Thanks so much. I'm home most evenings...
[User Picture]
From:hitchhiker
Date:September 15th, 2011 06:12 am (UTC)
(Link)
freshdirect gift card website isn't working properly :( do you have an amazon wishlist to which you can add stuff that makes you feel pampered?
[User Picture]
From:mofic
Date:September 16th, 2011 01:44 am (UTC)
(Link)
You're a sweetheart. I'm really not trolling for gifts. I do have an amazon wishlist and added some stuff. I'm the Dale Rosenberg who is in Brooklyn with a birthday of 9/16.
[User Picture]
From:aurienne
Date:September 15th, 2011 06:02 pm (UTC)
(Link)
This is awesome! A friend of mine has cancer, and isn't revealing much about it, but this list will be a great way for us to talk about how we may help her when she's feeling social (or antisocial, and maybe needs more pampering than she wants to explicitly ask for.)

I've often counseled my husband how, as a depressive myself, sometimes I would say (back when things were really bad) I didn't want people over, but for me, if they showed up and we watched a movie together, it was a way for me to feel included, but no effort - only conversations if I felt like it and hit pause, but otherwise, we can just watch things together. Not the same thing, of course, but I like pointing out the diversity of levels of interaction people want or can cope with, which may not match what they can articulate.
[User Picture]
From:mofic
Date:September 16th, 2011 01:45 am (UTC)
(Link)
I hope your friend gets good care and good support!
[User Picture]
From:litotease
Date:September 17th, 2011 03:14 am (UTC)
(Link)
I will see if I can find a card that's appropriately left-coast-ish (it will come from Lisa Cronin, for she is me!).

Also? Happy Birthday!!!
Mofic Powered by LiveJournal.com