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Identity, Orientation, Behavior and Slash - Mo's Journal — LiveJournal
June 15th, 2005
11:09 am

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Identity, Orientation, Behavior and Slash

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From:mofic
Date:June 16th, 2005 02:04 am (UTC)
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But at the same time I can understand the importance of freedom of self-definition, and in the case of any actual, individual person (as opposed to these theoretical people we're tossing about here) I will completely accept at face value whatever orientation they claim.

I will, within limits. I totally cannot deal with the idea of women married to men who identify as lesbians. I don't say so to them because I don't want to be rude, but I can't say I really accept it.

I don't experience any noticeable sexual attraction to either men or women.

You mean in general? I'm assuming you feel specific sexual attraction to specific individuals. Like, I don't know, your dh for example. You know, just to randomly draw an example out of thin air :-). I don't think that having a heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual orientation suggests attraction to all members of a particular gender. Or am I just totally misunderstanding what you're saying?
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From:ringthebells
Date:June 16th, 2005 02:28 am (UTC)
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You mean in general? I'm assuming you feel specific sexual attraction to specific individuals. Like, I don't know, your dh for example.

Either you made a typo or you're accessing a colloquial vocabulary I'm not familiar with; what's "dh"? Anyway, assuming you're talking about my husband...nope.

I have never been sexually attracted to anyone. The closest I've ever managed is a brief rush of giddiness at the first brush of hands with someone I have a "crush" on.

It took me a really long time to figure this out. It's like, you know how somebody can be colour blind without knowing it, because they don't know what they're missing? It was like that. And then a couple years ago I stumbled across a website about asexuality, and I was all, "Wow, that all really sounds a lot like me." And I started wondering about what sexual attraction actually was, and I questioned my husband and a few good friends very closely about how they experience it, and I determined: nope. I've never felt anything like that.

It was a pretty big relief, figuring all this out. I'd always kind of had a secret fear that I was defective.

And in case you're afraid to ask: I do have sex with my husband. It's a chance to be all snuggly and intimate, which I like, and I know that it's really important to him, and we've found ways to make it fun for me too.
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From:mofic
Date:June 16th, 2005 02:32 am (UTC)
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I had no idea! Very interesting.

Dh is a 'net term for husband. Maybe more lists and usenet than lj? I hang out on parenting lists a lot and it's the standard term so I tend to use it without thinking. It stands for "dear husband," at least nominally. I have a friend who says that the way women use it on lists, at least half the time it seems to stand for "dickhead."
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From:ringthebells
Date:June 16th, 2005 02:50 am (UTC)
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I find myself becoming very curious how you decide which icon to match with which post.

I haven't come across "dh" before in my 'net circles. I was guessing 'h' stood for husband, from context, but couldn't figure out what to do with the 'd'! :)

What's been really interesting for me has been the reactions I get now that I've started identifying openly as asexual. I've actually had two people tell me, after reading my explanation (er, these were online interactions), they they think they're asexual too. In both cases these were people who'd never considered that label as a possibility before.

And when I say "openly"—heh. I'm not all that out. It's a lot easier online; in RL this is something I've explained only to a few close friends. It's a lot harder to explain than just saying "I'm bi," and I'm not even out about that in my current (teaching in a very conservative private school) context.
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From:mofic
Date:June 16th, 2005 09:55 am (UTC)
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I find myself becoming very curious how you decide which icon to match with which post.

LOL! I'm mostly just playing with having a lot of them. When I post fanfic I do choose one relevant to the story. With comments if there is one that fits I might use it, but mostly I'm just enjoying varying them. And you're the beneficiary of me having a lot of icons, so you should enjoy them, too :-). I'll use Jean-Paul in this one, since you're living in his home town.

Very interesting about the asexual thing. I do remember when you and I were first getting to know each other you told me you sometimes skip over the sex scenes when reading slash. I remember feeling challenged to write them interesting enough that you wouldn't want to skip them, but I think I didn't realize how challenging the task!

What's been really interesting for me has been the reactions I get now that I've started identifying openly as asexual. I've actually had two people tell me, after reading my explanation (er, these were online interactions), they they think they're asexual too. In both cases these were people who'd never considered that label as a possibility before.

I've never considered it for myself, either. :considering: Okay, I want to have sex with about half the women I meet. I think I've given this enough consideration and it doesn't fit.

As to identifying as bi at Hogwarts, I can see where that might be problematic...
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From:ringthebells
Date:June 16th, 2005 12:35 pm (UTC)
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I'll use Jean-Paul in this one, since you're living in his home town.

Am I? Neat.

Yeah, the hyphenated guy name is very French Canadian. I personally know a Jean-Claude, a Marc-Hubert, a Louis-Philippe, a Jean-Martin, and 2 x Jean-Francois.

I remember feeling challenged to write them interesting enough that you wouldn't want to skip them, but I think I didn't realize how challenging the task!

Hee! :) Well, it is possible. The key is "interesting," not "hot." The latter is pretty much impossible.

(With one small, strange exception...which I'm far too shy to go into here, but if you look at June 16th and June 18th, 2004—oh man, that was exactly a year ago!—in my other journal, you'll see what I'm talking about.)

I've never considered it for myself, either. :considering: Okay, I want to have sex with about half the women I meet. I think I've given this enough consideration and it doesn't fit.

*giggle* Yeah, that's what most of my friends say. (Only, replace "women" with "men" or "people" where appropriate.)
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From:mofic
Date:June 16th, 2005 02:04 pm (UTC)
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The key is "interesting," not "hot." The latter is pretty much impossible.

People react so differently to sex scenes anyway. I don't always mean them to be hot. And when I do, I often mean them to be something else as well - funny, sad, poignant, creepy, scary. There's one in an early series that I really meant only to be very sad. People kept telling me it was hot and I wanted to yell at them! I got over that :-).

(With one small, strange exception...which I'm far too shy to go into here, but if you look at June 16th and June 18th, 2004—oh man, that was exactly a year ago!—in my other journal, you'll see what I'm talking about.)

Oh my! Bless you.
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