June 8th, 2006


Truest Friend and Noblest Foe (Summers in a Sea of Glory, 6/10)

When something’s hard to talk about, it only gets harder the longer you put it off. That’s a lesson I should have learned long before this.

Logan was right and I was wrong. I should have told Jean at the outset that he and I were lovers. I realized that now, but the realization had come too late. Waiting had only made it harder to say anything. I’d let ‘I dare not’ wait upon ‘I would’ and it hadn’t worked any better for me than for the poor cat in the adage. It had only consolidated the distance between us, only left me feeling like I was deceiving her.

I’d told Logan I was putting it off for her sake, but I think now it was for my own. I didn’t want to disappoint her more than I already had; I didn’t want to have to face her sadness. I didn’t want her to feel like I’d betrayed her. Maybe I didn’t want to face the fact that I had betrayed her. After all, as I’d said to Logan, it would be harder news for her to hear I was involved with him than it would have been had it been anyone else.

It would have been harder news, I mean. It wasn’t news at all. It was a moot point now. There was no reason to tell Jean about Logan and me, since there was no Logan and me, not any longer. Logan wasn’t willing to have anything to do with me. I’d tried to tell him that he’d misinterpreted what was happening with Jean-Paul, but he wouldn’t listen. “Logan!” I’d said as soon as we were alone, “It wasn’t what you think.”Collapse )

This series begins at http://mofic.livejournal.com/31235.html and is also available here

Summers in a Sea of Glory is a sequel to Returning Spring, which in turn was a sequel to After the Fall.