This was turning out to be one big, fucking mess. Mostly a mess I’d made, too. Not that I wanted to think about that part. It was true, though, and I found I kept thinking about it, even though I tried not to. So maybe it was time to stop trying not to think about this mess, which was just getting bigger and messier with not thinking about it. Maybe it was time to try and figure out what to do about it.
First part to figuring out what to do about it was being honest – at least with myself – that it was my own doing. I’d been trying my best to blame Scott. For getting mixed up with Northstar and lying to me about it. For not breaking it off with Jean, not completely. And for talking all that warrior lovers stuff and giving me ideas about shit that has nothing to do with the real world. It was all a pack of lies and I fell for it – the love shit, the story about what he wasn’t doing with Northstar, the shit about how he broke up with Jeannie, telling her it was over for good – all of it. Hook, line and sinker. So I felt like a real jerk when I found out it was just lies.
Only maybe it wasn’t lies. I mean, I thought it was a pack of lies and that’s when I got so mad at him. But then I found out some of it was true, so I don’t know about the rest. It turned out he did break up with Jeannie, after all. I hadn’t believed him, since he wouldn’t tell her about him and me, but then I found out he told me the truth. The truth about what he had said and what he hadn’t. Hadn’t told her about him and me, but then there wasn’t any him and me anymore now so what have I got to be mad at about that? And he did tell her it was over, told her as clear as can be, just like he’d said he’d done. So how am I supposed to stay mad at him for lying and saying he’d told her? Mad about it now I found out he’d been telling me the truth the whole time? Not that the truth was helping any. Well, it helped make this mess but that’s my fault more than Scott’s.
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This series begins at http://mofic.livejournal.com/31235.html and is also available here
Summers in a Sea of Glory is a sequel to Returning Spring, which in turn was a sequel to After the Fall.