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Begging for Betas - Mo's Journal
February 19th, 2006
11:55 am


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Begging for Betas
I'm looking for a few good betas :-). I tried soliciting on my journal once before and got wonderful betas, who have greatly improved the stories. I'm grateful for that help and I thought I'd try again now.

Although I have written the occasional one-shot, I mostly write story series, with each story being from 1500-4000 words. My series have ranged in length from 4 stories to 18 and from 12,000 words to 55,000 words.

My fiction is X-Men movieverse and I'm currently writing an X2-based series. For readers of my previous fiction, it is the third and final series in my version of the Phoenix Saga. It bears little resemblance to the Phoenix story within the comics, but is a "Jean comes back from the dead" series and uses some phoenix imagery as a nod to the comics. The first two series were called "After the Fall" and "Returning Spring." The working title for this one is "Summers in a Sea of Glory."

I've written about 7000 words so far, in three stories and expect this series will be around 8-10 stories and around 20,000 - 25,000 words when finished. It's NC/17 slash but it is not focussed solely on sex and relationships and it's not devoid of heterosexual characters and heterosexual relationships. There's an X-Men adventure/action plot that's the public story and a Scott/Logan/Jean triangle story that is the private one.

I like process betas, who will read stories as they are written and answer questions like "What do you
think happens next?" as well as do the more conventional proofreading and copy editing. This helps me to see whether my foreshadowing is too heavy-handed, too subtle, or just right. I ask questions about how the beta is reacting to the story and what s/he'd like to see happen or done differently. I don't always take that advice but I profit from it. I'm looking for the kind of impact the stories have on a few readers. It's not required that you have read my previous stories.

I don't usually post WIP, but I'm posting a draft of the first story in this series, to give a sense of what you'd be getting yourself into. Of course, if you've ever beta'ed for me before, you know what you're getting yourself into, and I'd be happy of your help again.

First story is behind the cut. It is followed by the questions I would ask betas to answer for this
story. If you are interested in beta'ing, write to me at mogbrg@yahoo.com. Thanks in advance for your attention and consideration.

I was going to tell Jean. There was never any question about that. Not in my mind, anyway. And there shouldn’t have been any in Logan’s, either. I’d told him – long before anything had happened between him and me – that Jean and I didn’t keep secrets from each other. I would have told her about Logan and me even if we’d just been fuck buddies. Which, of course, was all we had been when it started. Now it felt like we had something a lot more than that. I’d told him I was in love with him and I’d meant it. And I’d believed him when he told me he felt the same.

I’d thought Jean was dead at the time, thought that we’d had an imposter in our midst. I’d since found out otherwise, now knew that she had been invaded or possessed or something. Whatever had taken over her body and her mind was gone now. Jean was back, really back this time.

That didn’t change anything. Not for me, not for my feelings for Logan. I’ll always care about Jean, I’m sure. We’ve been friends since we were kids and we were lovers for years. We’d planned on marriage. In some sense I’ll always love her, but I’d known for some time that I wasn’t in love with her anymore.

I wasn’t going to try to live a heterosexual life again. It had taken me some time to clearly understand that the relationship Jean and I had tried to build was a mistake, but I did understand it now. It never would have worked, I realized. I hadn’t been true to my nature. Now that I was in love with a man, I’d learned something essential that had always eluded me before. Now I understood that deep love and intense desire could have the same object, and it was a life-changing realization. It was very clear to me that there was never going to be anything but friendship between Jean and me. This was information Jean had a right to know and I was definitely going to tell her.

Still, it was something I needed to do carefully, not just blurt out. Jean was in no condition to hear news like that without some preparation. Logan should have understood that. He knew what had happened to her. Well, as much as any of us knew, which wasn’t a whole lot.

I’d called Charles as soon as I could, as soon as we were sure that thing was truly gone from Jean. As soon as we’d established that the inhabitants of the Vermont house it hadn’t killed were safe and well, as soon as I was sure the house was secure. I’d explained to Charles what had happened to Jean and about the deaths of the FBI agents assigned there. I don’t know what he’d told the G-Men’s superiors, but he assured me that Jean would not be arrested for their deaths. Then he and Hank joined us in Vermont, to run interference with the FBI as needed, as well as to try to get a better sense of what had gone on there and to formulate a plan for what to do next.

Two more grim-faced FBI agents showed up shortly after Hank and Charles, looking almost exactly like the ones who had died. They interviewed us all and took extensive notes. Neither of them betrayed any emotion, even when Logan and I described finding their colleagues dead, hearts pulled from their bodies and placed neatly on the hall table. Logan and I exchanged glances when they muttered about satanic cults and ritual murder, but didn’t try to correct them.

The G-Men left with the bodies of their fellow agents, and no local law enforcement showed up. I checked local newspapers as long as we were in Vermont, and nothing about two gruesome deaths interrupted the articles about school funding and ski tourism.

We stayed on for a few more days, in order to look for clues as to what it was that had taken over Jean’s body, and in order to interview our Alpha Flight reps and Cassandra, our Mutant Protection Plan resident. They were the people who had been on the spot and knew best what had happened. Logan and I had come into it too late to have the whole picture. Both Sasquatch and Cassandra had been attacked by “Jean” and we hoped we could find out more about the being that had invaded her from them.

Sasquatch was no help to the investigation. We’d found him unconscious, but without a mark on him. He awoke a couple of hours after Jean became herself again, but with no memory of anything that had happened that day.

His memories before jibed with the rest of ours, but added nothing. He’d noticed a difference in “Jean” from when he’d first arrived in Vermont to work with her. She had seemed changed, unlike the woman he’d known for years. He and Northstar had compared notes, speculating that she might be an imposter, a shape-shifter taking Jean’s form. That she was Jean but possessed by some inhuman entity had never entered their minds.

By contrast, Cassandra’s memories were clear and complete. She was able to tell us exactly what she’d experienced. Her mutant power for predicting catastrophe had warned her that she’d be attacked by Jean. As soon as she had the vision, she’d tried to escape, planning to return to Westchester. Jean had tried to stop her and Cassandra had taken refuge in the panic room. We’d had to coax her out of there afterwards. It took some doing to convince her that Jean hadn’t really been the one who attacked her, and was no threat to her now.

After we’d learned everything we could on site, we returned to Westchester. We brought Cassandra with us, and also Ethan Leeds. Charles had asked him to take a few days off to join us. We needed his expertise and his established therapeutic relationships with both Cassandra and Jean.

Hank examined Jean carefully and did pretty much every test modern medicine had available to assess her physical and mental state. Charles examined her telepathically, and assessed her mutant powers with Cerebro. Ethan Leeds interviewed her at length, bringing his professional expertise, his experience with mutant psychology, and his long professional relationship with Jean to the table. The three of them were a formidable team. If anyone had been able to figure out what had happened to her, it would have been that trio. Still, with all the expertise, intelligence, and mutant power brought to bear, we weren’t clear on just what had invaded her body or what that being had done to her. We were referring to the invader as “the Phoenix” – a reference to the fiery, bird-like shape that seemed to be coming out of her body when Jean became Jean again. But giving it a name wasn’t getting us any closer to figuring out who or what it was.

As far as they could tell, Jean seemed physically unaffected by more than a year of having her body and mind under Phoenix control. It also seemed that it hadn’t diminished her mutant powers at all. If anything, it seemed to have intensified them. Her telekinesis was exponentially stronger than it had been. And Charles said her telepathy was now so strong it was rivaling his. It wasn’t clear how that had happened. Had possession by the Phoenix had an intensifying effect on her gifts? Or was it a natural progression that had just coincidentally happened at the same time as the possession? I tended to think the latter.

Ever since we’d fought Magneto at Liberty Island Jean’s powers had seemed to be growing by leaps and bounds – growing faster than her ability to control them at first. During more than a year of Phoenix possession, perhaps they continued to grow, and to stabilize, so that she was now in better control, now that she had her body back.

So, physically Jean was perfectly well, surprisingly so. And her powers were stronger than ever. Still, that didn’t mean she was emotionally healthy. It didn’t mean she was ready to take what was bound to be hard news without some preparation.

Psychologically – well, it would take time to know just how badly hurt she was, but she had clearly been traumatized by the experience. Ethan reported that she was suffering from acute anxiety – trouble sleeping, having panic attacks, nightmares when she did manage to sleep. And the way she had clung to me, shaking, when the Phoenix finally left her body didn’t leave me thinking that it was a good time to tell her I had a new lover. A man. A man she’d thought had been in love with her, thought I’d been jealous of.

Jean certainly knew something was up. In Vermont she’d been assigned a room by herself. She’d looked at me questioningly when Walter said he’d show her which room was hers, but said nothing. When we returned to Westchester, she asked Ororo where she was staying, not looking at me. ‘Ro took her to the room that she’d lived in – under Phoenix possession – for the last several months. All of her things were already there. She had no need to come back to our room, and didn’t. I wasn’t finding myself alone with her. If I’d wanted to explain about Logan and me – and I really didn’t think it was a good idea to do so yet – I’d have needed to ask to talk to her privately.

She didn’t spend much time with me, in general. I saw her at faculty meetings, in the dining hall, at team meetings. She didn’t sit with me and she didn’t look at me.

It wasn’t to me that she turned to find out what had happened while she’d been possessed. She gave an overview of her experiences of the past year at the first team meeting after her return. Or more accurately, her non-experiences. “It feels like I fell asleep at Alkali Lake and woke up the next morning in Vermont,” she said. “I know over a year went by, but I only know it intellectually. I have some moments of memory – at Xavier’s and in Vermont – but it’s like little bits of a dream. Incomplete, hazy, only barely remembered. I’ll look to you,” she added, turning from me and towards Charles and ‘Ro, “to fill me in on what I did during the time after I came home.” She shrugged. “I hope none of you will hold me responsible for my actions.”

Everyone quickly assured her that she was in no way responsible for her Phoenix-controlled behavior. Charles added, “We’ll do our best to fill you in on what happened while you were with us, Jean. It’s also possible that Ethan and I can help you fill in some of the time before you showed up here.”

“How? I’ve really tried to remember. I know that may well be the key to finding the Phoenix, or at least figuring out what its intentions were. But there’s nothing there, no matter how hard I try.”

Dr. Leeds weighed in. “It’s possible there is something there, just not accessible to you. Maybe the experiences were too traumatic to remember. Maybe the Phoenix has walled off the memories, hidden them from your conscious self. Maybe both are operating. I think that with a combination of hypnosis and telepathy, Charles and I may be able to help you recover them.” He paused, as if unsure whether to continue. “It wouldn’t likely be a pleasant process. Ultimately I think you’ll find that the more you know the better, but revisiting trauma is never easy, and can often be re-traumatizing.”

“I want to do whatever I can to get answers,” she’d replied without hesitation, “for all of our sakes.” She smiled weakly. “I’ll count on you to pick up the pieces, if necessary, Ethan.” As always, I admired her courage, persistence, and commitment to the team.

I tried to talk to Jean after the meeting, following her to her office. I began by expressing that admiration for her fortitude and telling her I wanted to do what I could to help her. I told her to let me know when she felt ready to rejoin the team, but that she shouldn’t feel under pressure to do so right away.

She didn’t say anything for a long time. When she spoke, it wasn’t in response to what I said. “It’s over, isn’t it?” she asked.

I nodded. “I’m sorry.”

She shrugged, smiling sadly. “Nothing to be sorry about. We always knew it was a long shot.”

“Jean, I’ll always –”

“Don’t, Scott. Don’t finish that sentence. I don’t think I can take hearing that right now. Maybe some day.” She turned her head away. “I think I need to be alone now.”

How could I have told her then?


1. If you have not read the series that precede this, could you tell what was going on? What, if anything, was confusing? If you have read the others, was there too much recap? In particular, it's essential that the reader understand who Cassandra and Ethan are, since they will be major players in this series. Is there too much info about them, not enough, or just the right amount?

2. How do you think Logan has been behaving towards Scott during this period?

3. Why is Scott so defensive about his decision to not tell Jean about his relationship with Logan yet?

4. What do you think happens next?

Current Music: From My Own True Love by the Decemberists

(5 comments | Leave a comment)

Date:February 19th, 2006 09:25 pm (UTC)

What I Think?

I would say it would be okay if you read the preceding stories but the method by which you write your stories have always given each series a sense of independence. I actually read Returning Spring before After The Fall and honestly no one could have told me otherwise that it was a continuation of another series. Now where the problem may lie is with not so much Dr. Leeds but more Cassandra since she had an encounter with the Phoenix even though it was in a vision, but this can be attributed to the fact that she is purely OC.

In terms of recap I like how you carefully picked out specific/important parts of the previous stories which helps those who have/haven't read the previous fics piece together what has happened. And this wasn't a bulky recap, I have read fics that encompassed 2 straight paragraphs of recaps and it royally pissed me off but you placed them at specific intervals during dialogue and thoughts of the characters. By spreading out these recaps it give me time personally to process all the detail one at a time rather than trying to take in all this info at one time.

Ok about Logan, yeah we know he portrays this tough guy exterior but he is extremely insecure when it comes to feelings dammit look how long it took him to admit to Scott his feelings. And yeah the return of Jean even if Scott has reassured him over and over again that the Jeana and Scott show is over he still cannot forget that those two have a history together hell they planned to get married possibly have kids. So I think he has some reason to be kind of pissed or is it rather that he is scared of losing one of the few people he can admit to that he loves them.

Okay onto Scotty boy I think he has valid reason to not tell her just yet. Come on I mean she was just possessed by who knows what and to her it seems like she just died and awoken even though its been almost a year since she has been back coupled with her murdering some people that can be traumatizing. Next even though this may not be plausible did it ever occur to anyone that maybe he is scared to hurt her anymore than he already has. Also, now she is probably ten times more powerful than she was before and do we even know for sure that this Phoenix thing has truly left Jean, Scott might be weary of aggravating her too early in fear of this Phoenix thing resurfacing if it actually part of Jean rather than some random possession.

Well usually I can tell what might happen next but this chapter left me hanging in that department. I know for a fact there will be copious amount of tension between Logan/Scott/Jean and a very large possibility that the Phoenix is not down for the count yet and possibly it's an extension of Jean. Who knows? Can't wait for the next one.

Hope this was helpful to you.

[User Picture]
Date:February 20th, 2006 03:11 am (UTC)

Re: What I Think?

Answered via email, because I don't want to do editing process stuff on lj. Glad to have you on board!
[User Picture]
Date:February 19th, 2006 11:57 pm (UTC)
Hey, I didn't read all this because I'm so amazingly crunched for time right now (grading student papers at the moment). And I am oh so sad to say that I don't have time to be your beta these days (big surprise there). BUT, I want to say that I would love to be a beta for you at some point, I hope in the not too distant future. Maybe over the summer? *thinks hopeful beta thoughts*
[User Picture]
Date:February 20th, 2006 03:12 am (UTC)
I'd be glad to have you as a beta whenever you do have the time.
[User Picture]
Date:February 20th, 2006 05:12 am (UTC)
Yay! *does a happy beta dance*
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