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My brother Hart's funeral - Mo's Journal — LiveJournal
October 26th, 2006
03:03 pm

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My brother Hart's funeral

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From:libgirl
Date:October 26th, 2006 07:57 pm (UTC)
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My parents have always been loving and supportive and there has never been any question of not acknowledging family, even though more than one of my cousins has done things that mean they'll be in prison for life.

However, I do know what family estrangement is. My grandmother's youngest sister is four years younger than my mother. For a time when my Mom was young (she too is one of six) her Grandmother, Hazel, and her Aunt, Bonnie both lived with the eight of them. Hazel always favored Bonnie and she grew up very spoiled. Bonnie chafed at the idea that her sister was her primary care-giver and would try to get around the house rules. This degenerated until Hazel took Bonnie and cut off all ties to my grandmother and her children. I am the oldest grandchild and I remember my mother going to Hazel's house to introduce me to her and Hazel saying that I was no relation of hers. That was the only time in my life that I met my great grandmother who only died five years ago. Before she died, she made her peace with my grandfather (she did some extremely unpleasant things when my Grandmother died including missing the funeral so that she could go into my grandfather's house and go through Mamawl's belongings when no one else was there) and she wanted to know her six grand children and twenty great grand children.

To this day, I barely know my Aunt Bonnie and our family is very divided.

Dividing families doesn't just affect the primary players...it's got a pervasive trickle-down effect that continues for generations.

I'm sorry that this is something that you have experienced and had to go through. I am glad that you're so willing to forgive and move on. I wouldn't be surprised if you hear from nieces and nephews who don't know or care why the restrictions are in place.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I know how much more difficult this sort of family situation makes the loss of a loved one.

Jess
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From:mofic
Date:October 27th, 2006 02:10 pm (UTC)
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Dividing families doesn't just affect the primary players...it's got a pervasive trickle-down effect that continues for generations.

Yes, that's my greatest fear. My sibs and I have 8 children among us. Four of us are parents - Hart and one other sister were not. Of the four of us with kids, 3 are banned. Our kids all know their cousins, but my other brother's kids have been raised to think they had none on his father's side. I wrote and suggested recently (maybe about a year and a half ago) that my brother and sister-in-law let their kids know their cousins, but they rebuffed that. I sent them a picture of all the cousins at Winnipeg Beach (from the family reunion - I guess the Outcast Family Reunion - this past summer) just a couple of months ago. They didn't write back.
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From:libgirl
Date:October 27th, 2006 05:21 pm (UTC)
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It's beyond my understanding why people would cut off family and even if you accept the premise that the banned people did something to deserve it (which I don't) what could their children have possibly done?

I'm sorry...The only thing I can say is that secrets like that never stay secret forever....

~hugs~
Jess
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