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Gay Parenting 101: Coming Out Isn't Talking Dirty - Mo's Journal
November 23rd, 2006
09:54 pm


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Gay Parenting 101: Coming Out Isn't Talking Dirty

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Date:November 25th, 2006 07:31 pm (UTC)
It's been my experience that when given firm reminders, many people quickly shift into denial mode. I'd like to share one example where I confronted a homophobic person about his reaction to seeing lesbians kiss.


Some years ago during a Thanksgiving dinner, my father described a business trip of his to San Francisco. One of his technicians, Lynnette, went along for the trip, and they both stayed at the same B&B. (I assumed they were in separate rooms.)

So while the rest of us are eating Thanksgiving dinner, Dad tells about this incident when he was eating breakfast at the B&B. There was a female couple at the next table making plans for all the places they wanted to go that day. From overhearing their conversation, Dad deduced they were on vacation, and that they intended to see a lot of historical spots important to queers and women. Then they kissed. On the lips - right there during breakfast.

My father let the rest of us know he didn't think they should have kissed. Especially not in public. He said if he had thought of it then, he would have kissed Lynnette just to spite those lesbians.

I was aghast to hear him say this. I later confronted him about it. "Dad, those lesbians were not in public, and should be free to kiss in public anyway. What business is to you if they kiss? Besides, they've probably seen many different-gendered couples kiss in public. I doubt it is any big deal to them to know that male-female couples kiss - so they ain't going be 'spited' by seeing you kiss. Have you considered that their kiss was motivated by genuine affection, but if you did kiss Lynnette, it would not have been because of affection, but because of spite."

"Furthermore, you said this in front of your own spouse and most of your childen. Don't you think your wife will wonder why you take your technician with you on business trips? Do you know how that sounds coming across to your own kids? Do you have any intentions regarding Lynnette which you should go over with your spouse? Right now, I really think you should ask Mom about how she felt hearing that."

A couple of days later, my father told me: "I did ask your mother about it. She agrees with me. Lesbians should not kiss in public!"


My father never acknowledged there was anything wrong with his behavior or motivations. And when confronted about his actions, the Wall-Of-Denial went up to prevent him from examining his homophobia.
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Date:November 25th, 2006 10:46 pm (UTC)
Yes, a reminder is of no use if the prejudice is so strong that the individual can't even look at the issue rationally...
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