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Some Further Thoughts on Realism in Slash - Mo's Journal
January 29th, 2007
02:00 pm

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Some Further Thoughts on Realism in Slash

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From:were_lemur
Date:January 31st, 2007 07:18 am (UTC)
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"Real lesbians" don't do X. "Real queers" don't like Y. "Real lesbians don't wear nail polish." "Real gay men don't like NASCAR." On and on and on. Everyone clamoring for the "Real Queer" crown, shoving other people out of The Community on the way.

And that, in a nutshell, is why I tend to give "the community" a wide berth. Which probably doesn't do much for my chances of getting a girlfriend, but hey, there's always boys! (Or staying home and writing; the single life seems to suit me better than being in a relationship, anyway. So there!)
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From:mofic
Date:January 31st, 2007 11:13 am (UTC)
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And that, in a nutshell, is why I tend to give "the community" a wide berth. Which probably doesn't do much for my chances of getting a girlfriend, but hey, there's always boys!

Hey, whatever works for you, but I don't find straight society more accepting of diversity than the gay community. IME it's just the opposite - there's a lot more room for variety of expression of all kinds in gay and lesbian society. Maybe it depends where you live? http://www.gaycenter.org/group_index has a list of groups that regularly meet at our LGBT community center and I love looking at it just for the huge variety of Real Queer (tm) activities.

Anyway, not meaning to dissuade you from a single life if that's what you want, but I think it's possible to carve out a niche for oneself within GLBT community even if one feels one doesn't fit in. When I started on this whole parenting thing in the mid-1980s a whole lot of people felt that Real Lesbians didn't have kids, but we didn't let them shove us out of the community - we made it make room for us. Now there's a whole Gayby Boom going on.

::gets off soapbox:: I hope you get what you want, whether that's a girlfriend, a boyfriend, or a single life. And writing is always a good thing, so keep it up!
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From:were_lemur
Date:February 2nd, 2007 07:09 am (UTC)
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Hey, whatever works for you, but I don't find straight society more accepting of diversity than the gay community. IME it's just the opposite - there's a lot more room for variety of expression of all kinds in gay and lesbian society.

I tend to hang around in fandom when I can, which tends to be pretty accepting. Though I've never been much of a joiner. I'm a lot more inclined to have a few close friends and ignore the rest of society as a whole, except to snark at it. It comes from being a natural introvert, I suspect. (I'm an INTJ, if you know Myers-Briggs.) My response to rejection tends to be mostly of the "fine, who needs you anyway?" variety.

The single thing is actually fairly seperate; I suspect that if I looked hard enough, I could find a fannish girlfriend. But really, I'm not sure I want a romantic relationship right now -- or maybe ever. It's not a "burned by the community" thing as much as it is a "my writing is my priority" thing. I'm trying to put in what amounts to a couple of hours a day to my writing, on top of the money job and school and family obligations, and sticking in time to see the friends I already have. This may change, this may not. But right now, I tend to feel that either being single, or at most a casual "friends-with-benefits" kind of thing, is the way to go. (/tmi)

I suppose it has a lot to do with growing up and being an outsider. Being part of the group has never been a big priority with me.
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