A few more stories about my father|
|Date:||July 22nd, 2007 12:13 am (UTC)|| |
I'll just add that I think this kind of thing persists because people go along with it - both extended family and friends. They don't challenge the ostracism of an individual in a family, even if they think it's unjustified. They will not say, "but that's crazy! Why are you doing that? Don't expect me to shun him/her just because you are." On one level it's astounding to me that I was not invited to my younger brother's wedding - astounding because I wouldn't expect that his fiance's family to go along with ostracising his sister. But they did, and they have all along since.
And I've seen that in other families, as well, people who seem perfectly reasonable in most of their lives just going along with shunning someone in their spouse's family even though the reasonable individual doesn't think the shunning justified, or even sane. They say that it's not their family and they have to go along because "that's how they do things" among the inlaws.
Where I'd previously expected that not growing up among such craziness would cause someone to balk at participating in something like this, I've seen a number of people who feel that that's exactly what justifies their (to me) unjustifiable behavior - not having grown up with it, they can't pass judgment so they just go along. And they don't see it as their doing at all - it's the husband's family who's doing it and "of course" they have to comply. I don't know that I'll ever understand that but I've seen it enough that I'm not surprised by it anymore.