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Funny Movie Endings Op-Ed Piece - Mo's Journal
April 7th, 2008
03:52 pm


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Funny Movie Endings Op-Ed Piece
My accountant has this up on her bulletin board and I laugh every time I go there (even if I cry when I'm in her office). It's from an eight-year-old NY Times Op-Ed contributor piece:

Film; Oh, You Haven't Seen It? Sorry About That

From the press kit for ''The Green Mile,'' starring Tom Hanks:
Warner Bros. Pictures, Castle Rock Entertainment and the filmmakers would appreciate the press' cooperation in not revealing the ending of this film to their readers, viewers or listeners.

He discovers he's a ghost.

He discovers she's a guy.

His dad is Darth Vader.

She's her sister and her mother.

He is Mother.

The baby's father is Satan.

Al Pacino is Satan.

Alanis Morissette is God.

Michael Caine is Inspector Doppler.

Brad Pitt doesn't really exist.

George and Martha don't have a kid.

He stops running just before the finish line -- and smirks.

Kevin Spacey did it.

Kevin Spacey did it.

The blonde did it.

The person you think did it, did it.

All the passengers did it.

He puts her on the plane.

He dies on the bus.

He dies in the freezing water.

She falls from the bell tower.

She shoots him on the balcony.

She cuts off his genitals.

The dwarf stabs him.

His mom has him hypnotized.

He turns back into a half-wit.

He blows up the bridge.

She drives them off the bridge.

She pushes the nun off the cliff.

They drive into the Grand Canyon.

She wasn't really dead.

He wasn't really dead.

He lives to be 108.

''Top of the world, Ma!''

She chooses Blane over Duckie.

He gets into Princeton.

The gigolo gets the model.

The hooker gets the millionaire.

Kevin Spacey gets his.

Glenn Close gets hers.

Her hand pops out of the grave.

Lady Liberty's arm sticks out of the sand.

The president nukes New York.

The money goes up in flames.

Michael has Fredo killed.

They both die in a shootout.

They all die in a shootout.

The mob gets him.

The pod people get him.

He's a replicant, too.

He flies away in a hot-air balloon.

The stewardess lands the plane!

They never left planet Earth.

They save Private Ryan.

Old Yeller dies.

Lassie comes home.

It was all a game.

It was all a dream.

It was his sled, stupid.

John Powers is the film critic for Vogue and Sandi Tan is a screenwriter.

So how many do you know? I know about half, and there are others I think I should know (like the hand popping out of the grave) but can't place.

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(6 comments | Leave a comment)

[User Picture]
Date:April 7th, 2008 08:11 pm (UTC)
That's Carrie's hand.

And it doesn't matter whether he's a replicant or not, IMHO.
[User Picture]
Date:April 7th, 2008 08:18 pm (UTC)
That's Carrie's hand.

Thank you! Of course.

Do you know what the second "Kevin Spacey did it" is? One is The Usual Suspects.
[User Picture]
Date:April 7th, 2008 10:32 pm (UTC)
It might be "7", although it's not a surprise that he's a killer at then end.
[User Picture]
Date:April 8th, 2008 05:31 pm (UTC)
Is the other Spacey, "Seven"? It's not a surprise ending, although he doesn't get revealed until about the 3/4 point.
[User Picture]
Date:April 8th, 2008 02:37 am (UTC)
I am stealing this. You cannot stop me!
[User Picture]
Date:April 8th, 2008 10:34 am (UTC)
I wouldn't want to stop you. I'm happy to share the joy.
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